ConanOBrien

@ConanOBrien

I’ll never get used to having a First Lady who is not from Slovenia

@ConanOBrien

6.8 miles below the sea is the Marianas Trench, and 6.8 miles below that is the bar Trump set for Biden.

@ConanOBrien

I’m looking forward to sweating the small stuff again.

@ConanOBrien

Easy compromise: Lower the maximum wage to $15/hour.

@ConanOBrien

Come for @AnthonyAnderson’s incredible Michael Jordan stories, stay for the surprise @DeonCole cameo. Listen @

@ConanOBrien

The great thing about xylophones is.

@ConanOBrien

More humiliating for Trump than impeachment: When he finally exits the White House, instead of a helicopter, send a Kia Soul.

@ConanOBrien

I didn't want to use the word "Orwellian" in a tweet until I was confident that I could use it properly, so here goes: Orwellian would be a cool name for a horse.

@ConanOBrien

Replying to @TeamCoco: Welcome to the Team Coco Podcasts family, @NicoleByer! On today's episode of "Why Won't You Date Me?" @ConanOBrien tries to h…

@TeamCoco

Welcome to the Team Coco Podcasts family, @NicoleByer! On today's episode of "Why Won't You Date Me?" @ConanOBrien tries to help Nicole figure out why she's still single. Listen and subscribe on @ApplePodcasts.

@ConanOBrien

“This impeachment gives me one last chance to salvage my reputation!” shouts Rudy Giuliani, as he ladles baked beans into his briefcase.

@ConanOBrien

Samantha won’t return to Sex and the City because the character is now a QAnon Congresswoman from Florida.

@ConanOBrien

What's the best vaccine? Pfizer, Moderna or Dave's Hot Vaccines?

@ConanOBrien

I loved reminiscing with Fred Armisen about all those years I spent bullying him in the hallways of 30 Rock. Hear our conversation @

@ConanOBrien

Thank you Arnold -- this is the most powerful and uniquely personal statement I've heard from ANYONE on where we are right now as a country.

@ConanOBrien

Now what am I supposed to do with my 89 million Parler followers?

@ConanOBrien

After the horrible attack on our nation's Capitol yesterday, I wanted to talk to someone with a unique perspective on the Republican Party and what it has become. My conversation with Ron Reagan is available now.

@ConanOBrien

Happy two-week birthday, Jesus! (It never hurts to kiss a little deity ass).

@ConanOBrien

Excited for Fashion Week 2021, I can’t wait to see what this year’s cardboard cutouts will be wearing.

@ConanOBrien

Now Trump is asking Georgia to find a 7th season of Schitt's Creek.